A Home Inspector's Christmas


Twas the day after Christmas and you might suspect

The time to be quiet, no homes to inspect

But no, the phone rang, our labor unabated

By a client who was, shall we say, motivated


The man was quite large, exceptionally cheery,

His nose was quite red, his breath, well, quite beery

He shook both our hands with his eyes all aglow

His laugh quite distinctive, a loud "Ho Ho Ho".


He said he was seeking a nice winter place

Where warm southern breezes were soft on his face

I said "Further south it's less winter-y"

He said "No, my friend, this IS south to me"


Before we could blink he paid us in cash,

"I had a good Christmas" he said unabashed

Our contract he signed on a bench in the foyer

He chuckled and said "I don't know any lawyers"


Now when we inspect, we're trained to use tact

Trained not to judge, not over-react

But when I looked 'round, in my throat was a lump

Just one way to say it, this place was a dump


The rafters were sagging, the floors were quite sloped,

And as I tried walking, a railing I groped.

"You'll need an army" I said undisguised

He said 'Not to worry, I know some good guys"


We looked all around, on tiptoe and kneeling,

And I have to admit, the place had a feeling

Lives had been lived, and love had been felt,

And our friend seemed to know about those who had dwelt


He took our report and said "Thanks you guys,

It's good to know how it looks through your eyes"

And with that he turned and was gone in blink

To my partner I said  "It's time for a drink"


As we got up to leave from our stools at the Inn,

A warm feeling came, not just from the gin.

The dude was all right, and it pleased us to know

One more client was happy as we walked through the snow.

Campbell and Davies LLC    201 Dey St Suite 211 Ithaca, NY 14850   

607 216 0036    fax 607 216 0402   campbellanddavies@yahoo.com   

                                     www.campbelldaviesllc.com

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